I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
