i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny