am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
