If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead