her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth