And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies