Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken