Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.