WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
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I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?