i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today