i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
