We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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