this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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