if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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