dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
