Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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