Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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