just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
