so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
