Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
