Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
