If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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