I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
