Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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