This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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