Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
