I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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