I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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