and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i barfeds in our rink
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
