Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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