Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
