I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
