NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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