i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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