Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
