You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
