Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
