This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
