Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
