she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
