if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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