I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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