The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
