i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
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soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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