its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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