im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You were trust falling into bushes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
