yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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