this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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