Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
