Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
even my farts smell like vagina
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize