M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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