so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
did i walk over a car last night?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
