i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pants are for mortals
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
