I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
