best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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