I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
