After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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