I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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