Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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