I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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