WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
