Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
