Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
