hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
