It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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