I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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