My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
