I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
