we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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