i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
