Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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