Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize