I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
