Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
