Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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