why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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