you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
