i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
