The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
