Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
a search helicopter?!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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