I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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