Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish you could order shots online.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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