it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
